I'll be Back
by InnerChild
Summary: Depressing kind of fic that makes you wanna grab a carton of ice cream, comfy clothes, and a weeknd in seclusion.. Arthur/Curt post VG


I'll Be Back  
  
Author's notes: VG doesn't belong to me, sadly enough... because if it did :B Muah ha ha... anyway... first attempt at Songfic/VG literature/ Serious writing in a VERY long time... Yeah, that's about it...   
  
  
  
[You took your coat off...  
Stood in the rain, you're always crazy like that.  
and I watched from my window,   
always felt I was outside,  
looking in on you. ]  
  
Arthur  
  
And it just came down harder. The rain threw itself against the glass window with such force, you could almost convince yourself it was the end of the world, and sometimes it felt like it... curled among the bedsheets I lay. Still, so still... hardly breathing, listening to the soft sighs of the couch in the room just next to me, an intruder in this house, these walls were not my own. I didn't pretend they were, I didn't even try to convince myself that I had a place here, and there... in his heart. I was just content to be, or so I thought... Emmiting a frustrated sigh, the warmth had already gone from the other's body heat, and I had never felt so cold... Again, he left his bed in the middle of the night, this glam rocker, the inevitable Curt Wilde you've all heard tale of, the chain smoking sex god worshiped by the painted slathered millions of the sexual revolution, again he was gone... to think, to contemplate alone, of what? 'Actually,' turning my face into my pillow for a silent scream, 'I could probably tell you in a heartbeat... Because I had once been victim to it to, maybe I still was, not sure... BrianSladeMaxwellDemonTommyStone,' whomever he decided to be... he was so sure this was the reason I was left lying naked, alone, frustrated, and scared in a stranger's bed in the middle of the night on a date I could never recall because they all seemed to melt together so completely, because... it had once enthralled me too, to the point of self ruin, and still... I did not understand...  
  
  
[You're always the mysterious one with,   
dark eyes and careless hair   
you were fashionably sensitive   
but too cool to care]  
  
  
  
Clink of a heavy coffee mug on adjacent glass coffee table, a sigh... a smile spreads across my lips, all of this with my eyes closed, the images danced behind darkened sleep deprived lids, a drink, a pin, a starry sky and vapor from hot breath meeting cold air... all of this was etched just in front of me, a burning memory. Clutching the sheets in such a comforting way, I chuckled, a lover's smile... Standing with his hip jutted to the side, a cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth, clad in leather and the smell of alcohol, so desirable it made you wanna scream, and many did... this was the attraction Curt Wilde carried with him where ever he went... hard to believe in all his charisma, and half grins and chuckles and heart breakingly beautiful vocals, he fell under the same spell that bound me to him so tightly, such a dream as this... so hard to wake up from, not even sure you want to. But he had... he was so wound, I was surprised he just didn't choke out.   
  
  
[You stood in my doorway  
with nothing to say, besides some comment  
on the weather. In case you failed to notice,  
in case you failed to see. This is my heart  
bleeding before you,]  
  
  
  
And before I knew it, the oak sliding door resounded in the dark house. shutter shutter shutter click. Leaning on it just the way he did, arm above his head, a somber smile across his face, it was all I could do to keep from looking at him, those unbuttoned half zipped tight blue jeans and shirtless chest, casting his shadow across me like a loving embrace... but... a loving embrace he never really had for me, now did he? Bitterly, I nibbled on my bottom lip in such a habbitual way that it was never uncommon to see me with an unexplicably swollen. Never had he really held me so, but in obligation... I've poured my heart out to him, told him of my feelings and my thoughts and my memories, and he would just smile, and play his songs... selfishly, I only wanted four words in return... that's all... Suddenly, I felt like nothing more than a roadie, a passing fling... just one of those girls (Or guys, mind you...) given special pretty words in exchange for the less of clothing. Sitting up in bed, it was a lot more clear to me. Sheets pooling at my midriff, a sad smile forming slowly, cast in his shadow... in his shadow. No, not his shadow, not Curt's... it wasn't his intention to make it a point to use me, it wasn't his shadow who darkened my image in Curt's mind, not at all... Maxwell Demon... yeah... him. Held onto Curt's mind with such an iron fist, any thoughts that didn't begin with Brian and end in Slade were tossed around in a sea of obligation and dumped into a shore of forget. It was plain and simple. "The rain doesn't look like it'll let up anytime soon..." 'Good.' I sighed... to myself and no one else, I loved the rain, but it wasn't that.... 'Good,' I continued, inside of my head, 'Good, make uncomforatable small talk, because you know that I know... you know I know why you can't love me...'   
  
  
  
  
[This is me down on my knees...  
and these, foolish games are tearing me apart,  
your thoughtless words are breaking my heart,  
you're breaking my heart...]  
  
  
  
With these bitter lips I spoke, the words I knew I didn't have... Funny, for all my colloge education and all my years in journalism classes and writing courses, all the books I've read and all the articles I've written... in all of that, I knew there weren't any words... Words, the only thing that sets us apart from a lower link on the food chain, the words that I had none. I felt like dinner. "It was him again..." A statement, of course... because I knew... he couldn't hide it. The secret smiles and delightful laughs I used to believe were on my account, were in fact, not... he was so clever, and I was... to put it simply, and without snickering, a little girl with a crush. The End. That's all I was... and he groaned, muttering "You know... it's not like you'd understand... It's not that easy." Of course not... gathering the sheets around my wasit, I padded past him, feet slapping softly at the faux fake wooden floors, to shut myself up in the bathroom... to wash away the smell of his cologne, to cry like a girl... God, I'm such a girl...  
  
______  
  
  
  
[You're always brilliant in the morning,   
smoking your cigarettes and talking over coffee,  
your philosophies on art Baroque moved you   
you loved Motzart, and you'd speak of your loved ones   
as I clumsily strummed my guitar. ]  
  
  
  
Curt  
  
A growl, I felt like such a fool... no matter how many times I try, these memories can't be rubbed away, no matter how many times I kiss this boy, his lips still feel like Bri's own... I taste bile in my mouth, I've upset him... God damnit. I want a cigarette... Oddly enough, I've left my last pack on the sink... well fuck that idea... Rubbing at the bridge of my nose, I toss myself clumsily to the couch, in a wretched heap of fucked up human waste. Ahh... lovely imagry. A sarcastic chuckle, my lips meeting a cold mug of coffee... I can't help but think of those first few days, an excited and shy and very much in love boy... he had said so himself... Over burnt waffles and hot coffee, telling me all about himself, while I lazily preeened the strings of my older accoustic guitar. It was those mornings, it felt like those mornings, when you're a kid, and you're out of school for the summer, first week, you're still used to waking up at six, and you walk outside and realize... "Wow... the air feels so much better without it..." But... sitting here now, I guess the choking heat's gotten to me... without him, it doesn't feel the same, I don't feel the same... and in my pathetic and sad attempt to fill that particularly manipulative void, I've hurt that poor boy and myself in the same night... man, I really am worth the affections of god, or Allah, or buddah... or whoever the fuck's gonna take me to hell. Heh... reminds me of that one joke, a smoker talking to a non smoker about the issue of smoking, the smoker turns to the non smoker and says "Well, you know, if I'm goin' to hell, I might as well smell like I am." That's definitely chuckle worthy... I sigh, and lean back against the couch, sickened to the point that even nicotine wouldn't taste good to me... what am I gonna do...  
  
  
  
[You teach ome of honest things,   
things that are daring things that are clean,   
things that knew what an honest dollar means  
I hid my soiled hands behind my back   
somewhere along the line I must have gone off track with you.]  
  
  
You're still in there... the water must be cold right about now... I thought about letting the faucet run to get you out of there, to talk to me... but umm... I'm under the impression you'd just slam another door in my face, how can I fix this? Of course my heart had the answer... 'Make it so you'd never met Brian.' But... then again, I couldn't do that either, even if I could, I wouldn't want to, would I? It's too dificult to think about right now, what with all the changes and whatnot... nevermind, just... god I wanna drink, I wanna drink myself sober... I wanna think clear again, but I'm too afraid to leave... You're so innocent, so trusting... not all of the world is corrupt and manipulative, I know this now... god I wanna love you, it's all I want,. but I can't... maybe one day, you'll understand... maybe one day I will... who knows? All I know is I'm fucked up, stated so simply, and I've fucked you up too. I'm sorry... two words I never thought I'd say out loud... maybe I'll save my rep and keep them to myself, because maybe you'll get it. Maybe you won't want to. I wouldn't be surprised to wake up and find you gone...  
  
____  
  
  
  
['Scuse me think I've mistaken you for somebody else,   
somebody who gave a damn, somebody more like myself,   
and these foolish games are tearing me, you;'re tearing me,   
you're tearing me apart,   
and your thoughtless words are breaking my heart.   
You're breaking my heart.]  
  
  
  
Arthur  
  
  
Indeed the water had grown cold, and somehow, I didn't feel it, couldn't feel it, I couldn't feel a thing. For as much as I tried, as many words as I'd recited and sang, and displayed with my sheer affection, I was convinced Curt could feel nothing but my hands and his lips... and even then, they were probably those of a Demon. At one time, I would have sympathized, at one time I would have understood... but I've grown tired, selfish... all I wanted to do was make him forget his past, but maybe... that's not possible, maybe he's not able... Shiver. The water can only get colder. And I'm sure you're sitting on your couch having your coffee and cursing yourself for losing such a compliant piece of ass... I'm not even so sure you've lost me, or that I deserve your devotion just yet... no... I'm gonna give it time, I'm going to make you love me, and make you want to remember me, and hold me in your heart, because it's all I can do... it's only because you mean so much to me, it's only cause I love you.  
  
____  
  
  
  
[You took your coat off...   
stood in the rain...  
you're always crazy like that... ]  
  
Curt  
  
You finally walked out of the bathroom, fully dressed in the clothes you had before... disheveled and wet, walking out of the door... I wasn't even sure you'd be back, you didn't even take your coat... Still raining so hard, and over your shoulder you called, "I'll be back."  
El Fin 


End file.
